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Heavy Handed Nonsense

by Wizards of Boat

/
1.
These are the words to this song And they're all about what's going on Gonna write a new song every week And we're never gonna break our streak This is our mission statement New song every week This is our mission statement And they're all gonna be as good as this one We think we've got what it takes To make it happen We've got to fly over a lake of songs And our bird wings are flappin' Songs Words Rhythm Harmony Drums Melody Guitar Thoughts (inspirational solo) This is our mission statement New song every week This is our mission statement And they're all gonna be as good as this one This is our mission statement New song every week This is our mission statement All gonna be as good as this one As good as this one
2.
There's an alien on the dance floor There's an alien on the dance floor He was always there did you see him before? He was always there did you see him before? He's bad. He's super-bad. He's an alien dancer. His feet are so...flyin' around.
3.
4.
Surrounded by architecture And the beauty of the sea And spending their days enjoying All the bounties of their luxury They knew they were strong and they knew they were wise And their culture would live on And their civilization in the heart of the ocean Would never die But they were wrong, 'cuz These are the days of destruction and death And, of their world, there will soon be nothing left The waves have washed all their progress away So many years of history erased in just one day Washed it all away Erased in just one day These are the days of destruction and death There will soon be nothing left These are the days of destruction and death So many waves and there's nothing left Washed it all away Erased in just one day
5.
Le Traffique 01:18
This is how I choose to spend my day Searching high and low to find delays Letting people know the different ways To avoid them I'll be the eye in the sky For the average guy There's a pile-up due to reckless jerks So let me tell you how to get to work If you're headed to the new cider mill Forget it! There's a chemical spill. When the bridge your on goes out I've got the answers Look at all the traffic westbound There's got to be a way around I use my knowledge of radio and alternate routes To sort this mother out I'll be the eye in the sky For the average guy There's a pile-up due to reckless jerks So let me tell you how to get to work
6.
Oh! My Larry, uh. My Larry, uh. Oh! My Larry, uh. Oh! My Larry, uh. My Larry, uh. Oh! My Larry, uh. I got something to tell you My Larry, uh. I got a disease My Larry, uh. I can't tell you what it is My Larry, uh. So just leave me be My Larry, uh. I got it from a mosquito My Larry, uh. So take me to the hospito My Larry, uh. My Larry, uh. Alas, I die Alas, I die Alas, I die Alas, I die Alas, I die Alas, I die Alas, I die Alas, I die Alas, Alice Alas, Alice And now I'm in heaven Alice, Oh yeah! And my bread is leavened Alice, Oh yeah! Alas, I die A lass is a girl A lad is a boy Aladdin had a lamp Aladdin had a lamp He rubbed it with his hand And out came the genie And he gave him this command Worms.
7.
Hypersomnia 03:16
Her tiny hand touches me So warm, so soft, so deep I follow her to a vast dark sea I find myself floating on the waves Waving good night Good night to the world She is with me Though I am alone Yet, I am not alone Her song fills my every movement now Now I am free When I awake I will say to her We will meet again at the end of the day I am not alone I am not alone I am still asleep So warm, so soft, so deep
8.
Eternisty 02:46
Eternasty Clawstiny In a time pre-humanity The thunder lizards trampled all in sight Why they died is a mystery But when they lived the earth shook with their might And all the other creatures bowed to their superiority They understood the nature of their plight And I have seen And I have heard the evidence Of their majestic reign upon our mother earth Eternal dynasty Clawing at destiny We will see through their eyes When we're facing our demise Every last one of the dinosaurs Turned their gaze toward the sky that night And they watched powerless As their doom approached, unstoppable and threatening their Eternal dynasty Clawing at destiny I have seen I have heard They all lived on as birds We will see through their eyes When we're facing our demise Eternal dynasty Clawing at destin-
9.
10.
My whole life revolves around the songs I write And once I start I'm not satisfied till it sounds alright My whole life revolves around the songs I write If music was a girl I'd hold her hand all night And her melody a smile would keep me company for a while Until the chorus of her eyes would see me through to the sunrise My whole life revolves around the songs I write And once I start I'm not satisfied till it sounds alright My whole life revolves around the songs I write My whole thing is that I kinda sound like Sting I kinda sound like Sting I kinda sound like Sting I kinda sound like Sting I wish I sound like Sting
11.
I'm so fucking tired of writing songs And I thought we could do this But I was wrong And I barely even managed to get this one done And I wrote just one verse And there won't b another one 'cuz I'm so fucking tired of writing songs And I thought we could do this But I was wrong
12.
Helpless and hanging around Inches away from the ground Where I'm gonna be found By my father It's kinda cloudy and gray Soon they'll be coming my way Maybe it's better this way For my father In front of his family and friends I killed my brother and then I tried to do it again To my father Soon I'm gonna be dead But I slept in his bed With his women and said, "Fuck you!" father I never thought that I would be Discovered in a hardwood tree Hanging by my hair above A matching pair of turtle doves
13.
Special Ed 01:42
14.
I was walkin' outside at the beach one day When I got something wrapped around my leg I didn't even know what the hell it was But it sprayed ink all over my face I threw it back into the water So that it wouldn't die ‘Cuz I did a nice thing for a squid Who did something mean to me The thing I did to a squid was nice But what he did was mean I was layin’ on a hammock ‘cuz I broke my knees When a poor old squirrel climbed on top of me He threw a giant nut at my cryin’ face And I just didn't know what to say So I gave him a diamond ‘Cuz I didn't want him to be poor no more ‘Cuz I threw a nice thing to a squirrel Who threw something mean to me The thing I hurled to a squirrel was nice But what he hurled was mean I was at a sci-fi convention Bearing only good intentions When this little nerd who said I had cut in line Pulled my hair and started to whine I don’t know why but I didn't even mind And I let him get his comic book signed ‘Cuz I did a nice thing for a square Who did something mean to me I didn't pull the hair of a square Who pulled the hair of me I’m just a nice guy in a world That’s full of stuff that’s mean Like I always say If they kick you when your down don’t frown Just laugh and turn the other cheek
15.
High watt bulb in my nightlight Got an idea Put a key on a kite string Summoning up lightning Help me come up with electricity So, you can see at night because of me Made the streetlamp Set the price of the stamp If you'r wondering who to be thankin' That would be Mr. Ben Franklin You know that counterfittin' it isn't legit And I needed a system to be Stopping'em from printing Milions of billions of dollars of money So I laced'm up with gold And I molded'em with old Leaves that I found On the ground So, thus was how I made it Harder to be duplicatin' money Made the streetlamp Set the price of the stamp If you'r wondering who to be thankin' That would be Mr. Ben Franklin It was self evident to me That I knew that I would need Bifocals to be able to read And to see what I needed to see If the thing in the destance wasn't close enough to me So I cut two glasses up Took a sip from my cup And I put'em back together With far-sighted on the bottom And near-sighted on the top So could see what I was tryin' to Whenever I want Made the streetlamp Set the price of the stamp If you'r wondering who to be thankin' That would be Mr. Ben Franklin I would like to evenly bake All the chicken or the steak That I make But I don't want it to take Five hours of my day I knew that the oven I'd be lovin' Would be coming soon But you know I couldn't wait Took the design in my mind To the assembly line My convection oven Passed inspection An equation that is perfection For chicken
16.
Let's booty rock Everybody's cock Let's touch Your butt
17.
Wahoo 01:56
Wahoo Wahoo Wahoo Wahoo
18.
Space Danger 01:09
This is a dangerous situation I'm stranded deep in outer space I've got no engines and no space food Just a long long beard on my chin I need to find a way To get back to planet Earth I have some tools It's time to get to work This will take all my skills and knowledge To pull this off without crashing into the sun I hope I can figure it out But I'm not a rocket scientist I'm just a brain surgeon I'll only get one chance to get this right To make it back to the world that I call home So if I'm not back there by tonight I'll just have to sleep alone
19.
The Journey 02:16
I'm going on vacation I'm going on vacation Gonna take some time for myself Gonna take some time for myself Gonna take some time for myself Gonna take some time for myself I'm going on vacation I'm going on vacation I'm leaving to day I'm leaving the cell-phone at the office I'm not gonna stay I'm leaving to day I'm leaving the cell-phone at the office I'll be far away I'm leaving to day I'm leaving the cell-phone at the office I'm leaving the cell-phone I'm going to Florida I'm going to Florida I'm going on vacation Gonna take some time for myself I'm leaving the cell-phone at the office I'm going on vacation Gonna take some time for myself Not gonna stay I'll be far away I'm going to Florida
20.
The Shooted 01:40
The bullet pierced my breast And I gasped for my last breath But it never came I was dead before I hit the ground And I never heard the sound Of the gunshot that stole my life from me I can't even understand Why someone would want to shoot me I'm generally a pretty nice guy And I was just going to rent a movie I didn't deserve this I think I was mistaken for somebody else I was just a gym coach With no enemies and moderate wealth I should have been in favor of gun control This could have been avoided with gun control No accidents can happen with gun control I should have been in favor of gun control
21.
Nonsense 101 01:28
22.
Insomnia 04:32
Send me back to sleep Don't pull me from that stream Lead me back to my dream I wanna go home I don't want to be alone I've been away for so long Please let me return to the sea And I've been awake for so long Please touch me again set me free So warm So soft So deep I've been awake now for so long I have forgotten her song Send me back to sleep Don't pull me from that stream Lead me back to my dream I wanna go home I don't want to be alone I wanna go back to sleep I wanna go home I don't want to be alone I wanna go back to sleep I wanna go home I wanna go home I wanna go back to sleep
23.
The Cool Guy 02:04
I'm poppin' wheelies all day 'Cuz I got me a dirt bike I ride around the neighborhood On my dirt bike Peel out on your front lawn on my dirt bike This is the thing you can't believe It's my dirt bike Kickstand straight up your ass I believe in my dirt bike You've got to understand My whole life is my dirt bike Check out this trick I learned On my dirt bike Stand back you might get burned By my dirt bike It's pretty dangerous I am the king Of jumping on my dirt bike And I will own this ramp With my dirt bike I'm catching major air
24.
Da dada da nda Da dada da nda Robot Catering A simple program for the food to bring Hors d'oeuvres, bowls of punch Breakfast, dinner, even lunch How would you like to try A finger sandwich served by an android Or maybe a deviled egg brought to you By the hand of an imitation man Or would you like to dance We provide a DJ or robotic band And here's our guarantee It's 100% synthetic humanity Call us today We'll be on our way Call us today Da dada da nda Da dada da nda
25.
The ghost of golf has come to make all of the holes That only golf can fill A stick, a ball, just add an open field With just one swing you try and make the green One thousand, five hundred, twenty-two years Without the sport of golf And the spirit returned Banished to the depths of hell He broke the spell and he would not tell Why he was expelled from the ancient world Of two thousand and twelve One thousand, five hundred, twenty-two years Without the sport of golf And the spirit returned
26.
Touchy Feely 00:27
27.
Rebuttal 02:05
Why did you steal our stuff You fuckin' maniac I can't believe you would do that What did we ever do to you So bring us our stuff back You stupid piece of shit It's...fuckin'...un-cool How could you do that to us Shorty, I gotta honestly say I wish you hadn't robbed our house I kinda wanna kick you in the face I'm just glad you were too stupid to steal the stuff that really mattered But I still think I oughta say Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Hey Shorty, why do they call you Shorty? Is it 'cuz you got a really small ding-dong Come on give us back our stuff You know, the stuff you took from our house Give us back our Micky Mouse watch Give us back our bike Give us back our DVD player Give us back our high school ring Give us back our pennies nickels and dimes Give us back our random DVD's Give us back our expensive guitar pedal Give us back that bite of those Pop-Tarts I guess you can keep the window units 'Cuz we don't need'em anymore 'Cuz now we got central AC No, on second thought, you don't deserve'em So give us'em back, you fuck And pay close attention to me Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Fuck crime Hey everybody, Shorty sucks
28.
Gopher It! 01:01
29.
Listen up son I got something to tell ya I got something to say It'll blast your feeble mind Hahaha! There is no Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus. Well, I know that you thought That you saw him last year But in reality It was only me Every year I dress like Santa Claus And I give you lots of presents but You never give me any credit There is no Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus. I am your Santa Claus I am your Santa Claus I am your Santa Claus I am your Santa Claus
30.
To sink them in top Secured you my woman to a train track I travel in on this horse To regulate score You mean outlaw To sink them in top Secured you my woman to a train track
31.
32.
Sweet scented woman, your strange sounding name Was Weight Lifting Lulu, but I'm not to blame For putting the gun in your grand-daddy's hand As he was imprinting your face in the sand. The part of the pork chop that you left behind, Has given me breakfast and rendered me blind; I still want you, baby, and I miss you so much. I hated your body, but I needed your touch. Weight Lifting Lulu Is under the lawn Weight Lifting Lulu Forever is gone.
33.
I don't know where I should start To turn this ceiling into a work of art I've painted god above Giving life to Adam with a single touch I've got to paint this chapel for the Lord I think I'm doing pretty well I've shown eternal suffering in hell And the joy we will find in paradise I think the Pope will say it turned out very nice I've got to paint this chapel for the Lord I will be remembered forever as the master of the Sistine I am the single greatest painter that the Vatican has ever seen
34.
S.C.U.B.A. 02:22
Underwater world You do it for me So much to swim around So much to see S-C-U-B-A Spells deep blue fun E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E Spells everyone everything looks blue In the deep blue sea Apart from certain fishes And sea anemones (S-C-U-B-A) S-C-U-B-A (I-S-S-U) Spells deep blue fun (P-E-R-F) E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E (U-N) Spells everyone Al my best friends Are breathing through gills I have to breath through a tube in my mouth Underwater world You do it for me So much to swim around So much to see
35.
I saw this in a dream It was just like this I saw this in a dream You believe me, don't you? You don't think I'm crazy? I believe you. You believe me? You're crazy! The only demons in this town Are assholes who try to create them Next time we hunt bears You seem to put the whole piece together, have you? I'm just trying to make conversation. Well, you're sure doing a shitty job What the hell's going on here? Who the hell are you?

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A collection of previously unreleased material including unfinished song ideas, cover songs recorded for a radio show, songs released during a Song-A-Week experiment and much more! Arguably some of the best music yet.

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released August 1, 2014

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Wizards of Boat Lafayette, Louisiana

Two brain halves of the same man hurtled backwards through time from another dimension, Wizards of Boat steal top of the charts hooks and melodies from the future to save humanity. Sometimes different, never the same, and always pushing the limits of infinity, Wizards of Boat go where other bands don't bother. It is, most likely, something you've never heard. ... more

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