Cash​-​Mas

by Wizards of Boat

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about

Get in and out of the holiday spirit with this irreverent collection of soon to be classics. Some moms love it!

credits

released July 29, 2014

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all rights reserved

about

Wizards of Boat Lafayette, Louisiana

Two brain halves of the same man hurtled backwards through time from another dimension, Wizards of Boat steal top of the charts hooks and melodies from the future to save humanity. Sometimes different, never the same, and always pushing the limits of infinity, Wizards of Boat go where other bands don't bother. It is, most likely, something you've never heard. ... more

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Track Name: All I Want
All I want for Christmas is boxes of presents
All I want for Christmas is boxes of presents
All I want for Christmas is boxes of presents
All I want for Christmas is boxes of you
Track Name: Touch Me (X-Mix)
Touch me when you're pouting
Touch me when you cry
Touch me when you're shouting
Touch me and I'm telling you why

Touch me if you've been bad or good

Touch me when you're sleeping
Touch me when you're awake
Touch me when you've been bad or good
Touch me for goodness sake

Touch me if you've been bad or good

I'm making a list and I'm checking it twice
Touch me all you who've been naughty
Touch me all you who've been nice

Touch me if you've been bad or good

Ho Ho Ho! You've been bad or good!
Track Name: Peppermint Dildo
Peppermint Dildo
Track Name: Melted Snowman the Snowman
Bap Bap Badee Oop

We built a snowman
We didn't want to see him leave
We gave him a good name
We named him Melted Snowman

We knew that someday he would have to die

We called a fortune teller
To come over
And she read his palm
She said "You will die in the summertime"
And we were scared

And we tried to keep him alive
And we tried and we tried but he died
And we cried
We cried
Oh how we cried

But we knew that we had truly named him
Track Name: No Matter What I Do
When the sun goes behind the sky
A tear comes before my eye
It makes its way down my cheek
And glues my lips so I can't speak

I walk around like that all day
Until I part my lips and say

I wish that you were here to hear me say this
I wish that I could give you just one more kiss

When the city is just to bright
To see the stars at night
And no one's there to keep me warm
Or hold me during thunder storms

I close my eyes and all I see
Is the face that means so much to me

I wish that you were here to hear me say this
I wish that I could give you just one more kiss

I close my eyes and all i see
Is the face that means so much to me

I wish that you were here to hear me say this
I wish that I could give you just one more kiss

I wish nothing ever came between me and you
'Cuz I will love you
No matter what I do Christmas
Track Name: Clay Angel
here is an angel
to bring
Christmas
to your table but
start early it has to
rest for two or three days
before you paint it
here is an angel
to bring
Christmas
to your table but
start early it has to
rest for two or three days
before you paint it
here is an angel
to bring
Christmas
to your table but
start early it has to
rest for two or three days
before you paint it
here is an angel
to bring
Christmas to
your table
but start
Track Name: Death Race of the Reindeer
Runnin'
Runnin' through the night
Gunnin'
Totally outta sight
Flyin'
All the way through the air
Tryin'
Danger everywhere

It's the death race of the reindeer
They'll never stop till somebody dies

Turnin'
Turnin' all around
Burnin'
Burnin' up the ground
Spinnin'
Spinnin' round the bend
Grinnin'
Fightin' to the end

It's the death race of the reindeer
See the world through an animals eyes

Speedin'
Approachin' the speed of light
Leadin'
Can't win without a fight
Reelin'
From explosions in the sky
Wheelin'
Please don't ask them why

It's the death race of the reindeer
They'll never stop till somebody dies

ragin'
Gettin' crazy now
Rampagin'
Sweat upon the brow
Cruisin'
Never gonna stop
Bruisin'
Reachin' for the top

It's the death race of the reindeer
See the world through an animals eyes

Zoomin'
Zoomin' up and down
Boomin'
Breakin' the barrier of sound
Pacin'
Steppin' on the gas
Racin'
It's time to kick some ass

It's the death race of the reindeer
They'll never stop till somebody dies
It's the death race of the reindeer
See the world through an animals eyes
Track Name: Christmas at Gunpoint
I been stuck behind these old black bars
For as long as I can remember
But I'll be bustin' out later this fall
Or maybe late in December

I stole the gun from the bumblin' deputy
Now all I want is to be free and have...

Golden Diamonds
Give me all your golden diamonds, baby
This here's not a stick-up
It's Christmas

Found my way to a Christmas Gala Ball
And I busted in through the wall
They started screamin' at the top of their lungs
But I just started firin' my guns

I said "Pipe down!
Where's your Christmas spirit?
I been a real good boy all year!"

Golden Diamonds
Give me all your golden diamonds, baby
This here's not a stick-up
It's Christmas!

I remember them Christmas songs
That my Momma used to sing me
But I ain't Momma's little boy no more
And if they find him their gonna hang me

But if they take me Momma don't cry
Just go and find the treasure
Buried under neath the sign that says,

"Golden Diamonds:
Here's all the golden diamonds I stole
If you want them have them
For Christmas."

Ahh
Track Name: Prehistoric Christmas
When man a prehistoric being
Christmas was no fun
There was no fire
There were no trees
And everyone was dumb
On the mantle all the children hung their little socks
In the morning when they looked
All that they found was rocks

one dark Christmas eve
Santa said to Prometheus,
"Give the people fire
And I will give you a bus."

So he brought the fire
And all of the people smiled
But Santa knew that they'd be
Killing each other after a while
So to cover his tracks
Santa revoked his promise to the guy
"You'll be chained to the mountain of pain
But you will never die."
Track Name: Paper Snowflakes
Paper Snowflake
Track Name: Abcdefghijkmnopqrstuvxyz
Mmmmmmmmmmmm
Track Name: Dirty Sex for Christmas
'kay

Dirty sex for Christmas
Dirty sex with you
I'm gonna stick it right there between your legs
I'm gonna take it out and put it back in
Over and over again
A lot
A lot
A lot
Track Name: The Legend of Santa-Pede
Little Jimmy wished
For Christmas he would get
A rocket and a bike
Or anything he liked

When Christmas morning came
A voice whispered his name
He didn't see his toys
Then he heard a noise
Then he smelled a smell
Like sulfur and like hell
Down the chimney came
Santa-pede in flames

Santa-pede, he said,
"Listen up or be dead
Do just what I say
Do not run away
Or the fires from below
Will soon be all you know."
Track Name: The Twelve Days of Cash-Mas
On the first day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me a watch

On the second day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch

On the third day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me three little kids who all do crack, two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch

On the fourth day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me four dead ho's in my ride out back, three little kids who all do crack, two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch

On the fifth day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me five golden teeth, four dead ho's in my ride out back, three little kids who all do crack, two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch

On the sixth day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me six gats, five golden teeth, four dead ho's in my ride out back, three little kids who all do crack, two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch

On the seventh day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me seven bullets for my gat, six gats, five golden teeth, four dead ho's in my ride out back, three little kids who all do crack, two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch

On the eighth day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me eight boxes of smack, seven bullets for my gat, six gats, five golden teeth, four dead ho's in my ride out back, three little kids who all do crack, two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch

On the ninth day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me nine porno magazine stacks, eight boxes of smack, seven bullets for my gat, six gats, five golden teeth, four dead ho's in my ride out back, three little kids who all do crack, two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch

On the tenth day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me ten hairs from her back,nine porno magazine stacks, eight boxes of smack, seven bullets for my gat, six gats, five golden teeth, four dead ho's in my ride out back, three little kids who all do crack, two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me eleven trophies for running track, ten hairs from her back,nine porno magazine stacks, eight boxes of smack, seven bullets for my gat, six gats, five golden teeth, four dead ho's in my ride out back, three little kids who all do crack, two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My baby-mama gave to me twelve employee of the month plaques, eleven trophies for running track, ten hairs from her back,nine porno magazine stacks, eight boxes of smack, seven bullets for my gat, six gats, five golden teeth, four dead ho's in my ride out back, three little kids who all do crack, two alimony bills that I won't pay back and a watch
Track Name: Christmas Comes to Make-Out Creek
Let's go to that place
Where we can suck face
In privacy
Ecstasy
I got a present for ya, baby

Christmas comes to Make-Out Creek
A naughty game of hide and seek
So many presents you can barely speak
Christmas comes to Make-Out Creek

In privacy
Ecstasy
I got a present for ya baby
Just close your eyes and let it happen

Heavy petting all night
Christmas will be very white

In privacy
Ecstasy
I got a present for ya baby
Just close your eyes and open your mouth

(present giving solo)

Christmas comes to Make-Out Creek
A naughty game of hide and seek
So many presents you can barely speak
Christmas comes to Make-Out Creek

HaaaaaaWaaaaa
Ahhhhh!
Ah!
Track Name: Ninja Claus
Ninja Claus is here to stay
If you can't cope get out of the way
He'll cut your presents with a quickness
pancake throwing stars for breakfast
He'll melt your brain and trim your hedges
Slice your cheese into little wedges
He will cut you so damn fast
You won't know what happens till your body's in half

Bi-
Track Name: It's Christmas & I Love You
I know that we have had our troubles
I know that you are far away
I know I said some things in anger
And I made you cry
But Darlin'
It's Christmas and I love you

You think that it was easy for me
You think that I don't give a damn
But i have never felt so lonely
And I need you back
My Darlin'
It's Christmas and I love you

I tried so hard to let you go
But Darlin' I still love you so
I thought you;'d be better off alone
But I was wrong girl please come home

I swear I never meant to hurt you
I swear you never left my heart
But now I realize I can't live without you
And I'm down on my kness
'Cuz Darlin'
It's Christmas and I love you

Tonight I give myself to you girl
My mind, body, heart and soul
Just give me one more chance to show you
That you're the only one for me
Darlin'
It's Christmas and I love you

I tried so hard to let you go
But Darlin' I still love you so
I thought you;'d be better off alone
But I was wrong girl please come home
Track Name: There is No Santa Claus
(there is no Santa Claus)

Listen up son
I got something to tell ya
I got something to say
It'll blast your feeble mind

Hahaha!

There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.

Well, I know that you thought
That you saw him last year
But in reality
It was only me

Every year I dress like Santa Claus
And I give you lots of presents but
You never give me any credit

There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.

I am your Santa Claus
I am your Santa Claus
I am your Santa Claus
I am your Santa Claus

"Just make believe it's nothing"
Track Name: When is Christmas
Every year
Around the wintertime
Track Name: There is No Santa Claus (Wedding Version)
(there is no Santa Claus)

Listen up son
I got something to tell ya
I got something to say
It'll blast your feeble mind

Hahaha!

There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.

Well, I know that you thought
That you saw him last year
But in reality
It was only me

Every year I dress like Santa Claus
And I give you lots of presents but
You never give me any credit

There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.
There is no Santa Claus.

I am your Santa Claus
I am your Santa Claus
I am your Santa Claus
I am your Santa Claus
Track Name: Christmas at Gunpoint (Live)
I been stuck behind these old black bars
For as long as I can remember
But I'll be bustin' out later this fall
Or maybe late in December

I stole the gun from the bumblin' deputy
Now all I want is to be free and have...

Golden Diamonds
Give me all your golden diamonds, baby
This here's not a stick-up
It's Christmas

Found my way to a Christmas Gala Ball
And I busted in through the wall
They started screamin' at the top of their lungs
But I just started firin' my guns

I said "Pipe down!
Where's your Christmas spirit?
I been a real good boy all year!"

Golden Diamonds
Give me all your golden diamonds, baby
This here's not a stick-up
It's Christmas!

I remember them Christmas songs
That my Momma used to sing me
But I ain't Momma's little boy no more
And if they find him their gonna hang me

But if they take me Momma don't cry
Just go and find the treasure
Buried under neath the sign that says,

"Golden Diamonds:
Here's all the golden diamonds I stole
If you want them have them
For Christmas."

Ahh